Well, if you had a crystal ball, you'd be able to see that there's a crystal ball in your future, and you'd know not to pass up this very, very nice glass gazing ball. It's 4-1/4" dia (and heavy) and comes with a footed dark-wood stand that spins smoothly. The stand is just over 3" dia. Together, the ball and stand are 6-1/4" tall. Comes in a presentation and storage box. The perfect accessory for your next fortune-telling gig.

Moms and teachers everywhere will thank us for stocking this 9" long slingshot that's made of a Y-shaped double-eraser plastic top on a #2 pencil. Get the proctor's attention during the SAT! Package says it proves the pen is mightier than the sword, and you could ask the other kids in detention if that's true.

From the harmonica kings themselves at the Hohner company, comes this 4" long, 3-octave plus, plastic harmonica, in C, the people's key. We'll pick one in an attractive shade of red, green, blue, yellow or whatever color shows up next, and send it in a little vinyl case.

The manufacturer calls it the Thunder Tube". We call it indispensable for the amateur Foley operator. It's a 7" long x 2-1/2" dia PVC tube with a resonant head at one end attached to a 17" long x 3/16" dia extension spring. Shake it, scrape it, wiggle it, use your palm to muffle it and you generate creaks, deep warbles, rumbles, weird heterodyne-ish gong effects, wa-wa's, rude noises, and, yes, realistic thunder. A perfect musical companion to your cuica and rain stick--and good, clean fun around the house. Don't make a sound-track without it.

In another triumph of good taste, let us introduce our first squirting toilet bowl trick. Measures 3-1/2" tall x 3-3/4" deep and shoots over (5) feet when some unsuspecting person lifts the little lid. Perfect for mom's birthday. And no batteries required!

Start them out right with this (profusely) hand-illustrated, 96-page book: The Story of Inventions. Includes toasters, toilets, television, computers, cars, chocolate bars, dishwashers, pianos, flying machines, bicycles and blue jeans among many others. Includes a timeline, glossary and index. No age recommendations, but we like it for pretty much anyone.

From the world of gag gift boxes, this Hot Dog Homestead box has illustrations for a DIY house kit made out of (9) kinds of meat, including pate for plaster. Measures 11-1/2” x 9-3/4” x 3” deep and is meant to amuse folks before they open it to find their real gift inside. We here at the home office think you should pack it with, yes, (9) kinds of meat--for even more laughs.

This well-made plastic siren/whistle, a touch over 3/4" in diameter and a similar touch under 2" long, has a perforated metal disk that rotates in response to a silent blast from the perpetrator's lungs. This creates a high-pitched, loud and certainly distinctive siren-sound that picks up pitch in relation to the air velocity, sustains it as long as your wind holds out, and winds down quickly thereafter. A fine way to signal your arrival or departure. Probably not loud enough to collect the clan at the beach, but loud enough to get their attention in the classroom! The size makes it hard, but not impossible, to swallow, so please use care in teaching youngsters to sound like a miniature air raid siren.

This whimsical pack of (30) postcards measures, unsurprisingly, post-card size 5-3/4" x 3-15/16", with non-duplicating images of gravy and bacon, Nikola Tesla, narwhals, spontaneous human combustion, boxing kangaroos, infinity and taxidermy, among many others of that ilk. Those ilks. Whatever--just buy 'em and stop asking so many questions. Blurbs on the back.

Yes, your desktop is made of atoms (you, too) but this is a 7" dia chrome and black model of an atomic structure (Boronish, Paul says) that keeps on turning via the magic of electromagnetics, at least until the 9V battery you put in it wears out. Stands approx 9" tall on its base.  Ignore that "perpetual motion" on the box, unless you have a perpetual battery. Minimal assembly required, but a maximum person like you won't have a problem with it.

Titled "The Field and Forest Handy Book," this volume has been justifiably in print since 1906. Written by Daniel C. "Uncle Dan" Beard, the founder of the Sons of Daniel Boone and one of the founders of the BSA, it's a compendium of eternally relevant woodland lore, from building cabins, sleds, boats, and bridges to camping in swamps. The only part we skipped was on how to cook a muskrat. (We know a place that delivers.) Loaded with illustrations. In soft cover from David Godine's Nonpareil Books, 428 pages.

Direct from the American Academy of Cheesy Fake Acting Awards, we present our genuine faux Oscar-esque hollow plastic statuette with authentic ersatz gold plating, for the best supporting player in your life. Stands 9-1/4" tall on a 3" dia base. Why? Because we like you, we really like you.

Literally. These clear, plastic-tubing faux-specs start in your soda, wrap around your ears and eyes, sit on your nose and end up in your mouth. You slurp and your drink zips around your face and into your yap. The last word in sophisticated beverage consumption. Made of 1/8" and 1/4" tubing, the slurp-parts detach for when you're not drinking. Some folks here believe we got this, despite the fact that it's in perfect working order, because the package says "It's suck-sational!"

AKA hand boiler. An exotic bit of hand blown glass with a bulb at top and bottom connected by some zippy tubing that spirals, loops, and/or jogs. In the closed system is some colored liquid (methylene chloride) that is very light. Hold the lower bulb in your hand and as the liquid is warmed it pushes through the loops to the upper chamber. When all the liquid is pushed out of the lower bulb, expanding air will bubble through the tubing making it appear that the liquid is boiling. WARNING! The glass is fragile and the liquid is nasty. If you drop the thing on the kitchen tile, it will eat the finish off the tile and the stain in the liquid will permanently stain the floor, so don't let kids handle this item unsupervised. About 7" tall, it is a favorite in our stores.

Introducing the Aeromax 2000. This update of the classic parachute toy has mesh under the canopy instead of lines, so it's tangle-free. Big 20" chute floats the little 3-1/2" tall trooper gently to the ground. In assorted colors, which we'll pick because we have really good color sense.

Think of it as a shortcut to learning perspective. This clever 50-sheet pad of white, 7" x 4-1/2" paper has a fine red and blue grid pattern that shows your drawing and doodling in 3-D when you wear the included 3-D glasses. It's our candidate for the why-didn't-I-think-of-that award this year.

A gallimaufry of gags, the prankster's pantheon. Our seven-day selection of sophomoric stupidity includes a joy buzzer, a fake ketchup spill that is perfect for a laptop or tablet, wrapped candy thats more bug than treat, a pack of gum with a mousetrap inside, a nice fake nail to put through a finger, a fly-in-the-ice cube, and the American classic whoopee cushion. Add some rubber vomit and you've got enough gifts to get through Channukah.

Not your amateurish gag boxes, but 4-color genuine-looking boxes like you find at all your Big-Box stores, with graphics, marketing copy, testimonials and instructions. You pick the Crib Dribbler infant feeding system, just like rabbit waterers or the time saving Bathe & Brew so you can take care of the morning shower and coffee at the same time or the Toddler Tamers, leashless ankle weights to keep the little ones close by. Boxes are all 11-1/4" x 9" x 3-1/4" and are, naturally, empty. You see, the real gift goes inside.