NOVELTIES

A plastic pistol shaped toy that shoots slugs of raw potato. Push the barrel into a potato, break off the slug, aim and shoot up to fifteen feet. Loads of fun, environmentally harmless, and about as safe as any "projectile" toy can be!! Pulls apart for cleaning. For kids ages 5 and up.

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long prolate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.

is best done with the sacred mother of all novelty items, the original Whoopee Cushion. Marlon Brando owned one. Of course he did, they're both American classics, except the cushion was born in Toronto. Ours is the classic 8" version.

Lots of people had piano keyboard neckties in the '80s, but no one could play them--not even the piano players! That's because they weren't actual musical instruments. Can you imagine a time like that? Thankfully, those days are long gone. Our piano tie is a working keyboard with (8) different electronic notes that you can play through the tiny speaker hidden in the knot. Polyester and 16-1/2" long, the tie has a quick-release for easy attachment and removal. Also has an on-off switch, for when you decide you're done playing for the night. Runs on button cell batteries (included). Lessons not included, but trust us, you don't need lessons for this thing to kill at parties. Great addition to dad's neck tie collection.

Baseball is for the boys of summer, but American Bandstand is forever. Some of us cared about the infield fly rule, but the smart money cared a bunch more about Fabian, Otis Redding, Frankie Valli and the other immortals on Dick Clark's afternoon TV delight. Now you can collect them all and swap them with your friends. You’ll get a pack of collectible 1980's American Bandstand trading cards, each pack with (8) cards featuring different artists and groups, some with gold-foil signatures. Cards are approx playing-card size. You might get Jerry Lee Lewis, you might get The Turtles. All we know for sure is you are going to want a bunch of packs because there are a lot of different cards and it's gonna take a dozen Donna Summer cards to get a Bo Diddley, because, come on, Who Do You Love?

It’s just like the little bell that used to sit on the front desk of every hotel in the world except that this one has a big 1-1/4” dia button on it, because who can see that tiny button anymore? Use it to call whoever brings you another beer on game days, or to announce quitting time at the home office—or get a bunch to use in your home trivia games. Measures 2” tall x 2” dia in polished steel with a big plastic button on top and a plastic bottom that won't scratch tables. We'll pick one in white, blue or black plastic because we’re good at that sort of ding, uh, thing.

Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

Emergency underpants in a can. Says it all, doesn't it? Quite stretchable in a Tyvekish white fabric, "one pair fits most adults." They're hip-hugger, semi-bikini, translucent type drawers, so despite the smiling man wearing them and a red bow-tie on the can, some (insecure) guys might find these just a touch jeune fille-ish. "Safe, Sanitary, Secure." Says so right on the 3" x 1-1/2" x 2/3" flip-top metal can. Better buy (3) in case of a long weekend.

Interesting wire contraption that we played with as a child. A series of (4) tiers of overlapping and intertwined brass wire semicircular hoops are anchored at the open end to a pair of full circles. The whole can be shaped into a tube, double balls, a flower petal, etc, depending upon what areas are opened, which closed. A variety of colored beads on the hoops add a decorative touch. Fun, intriguing and decorative all at the same time.

It's an author! It's an NPR correspondent! It's Nancy Pearl, the librarian with the super-power to start the “One City, One Book” program. She fights a never-ending battle against censorship, anti-intellectualism and ignorance. We don't know how tall the real Nancy is, but her action figure is a petite 4” tall, and she’s wearing a red cape. Packaging includes the Librarian Code.

We’re proud as can be to offer the world’s largest whoopee cushion--twice as big as the original for a nation whose bottom line has doubled since the original cushion was invented nearly 100 years ago. We call that progress. Your cushion, at approx a foot in diameter, will arrive folded in half. If your whoopie cushion has to be folded in half to be shipped, you know it’s big. And yes, the whoop is twice as loud, too.

Here's a little music box to crank. These are really cute, with a very nice sound, and they're in clear acrylic cases so you, or impressionable youngsters, can watch them work. They measure 2-1/4"x 2" x 1-1/4" with a 7/8" crank. We'll pick one that plays When You Wish upon a Star, Row, Row, Row your Boat, Brahms' Lullaby, or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. We won't pick the one that plays the score from Die Walküre because the wheel is just enormous.

Special for your beginner tootler. Our black or ivory ABS plastic soprano recorder (Our choice) measures 12-5/8" long and includes a plastic carrying case, cleaning rod, and a sheet of fingering instructions.

Take a trip down your grandpop's memory lane with this cute little double-barreled popgun that actually pops a pair of corks with a satisfying, well, pop. Just 9-1/2” long and unmistakably a toy in yellow, blue and orange wood, it has (2) corks attached on strings. Smack the back twice to pop both corks, then pull the handle back to reload.

From the harmonica kings themselves at the Hohner company, comes this 4" long, 3-octave plus, plastic harmonica, in C, the people's key. We'll pick one in an attractive shade of red, green, blue, yellow or whatever color shows up next, and send it in a little vinyl case.

Literally. These clear, plastic-tubing faux-specs start in your soda, wrap around your ears and eyes, sit on your nose and end up in your mouth. You slurp and your drink zips around your face and into your yap. The last word in sophisticated beverage consumption. Made of 1/8" and 1/4" tubing, the slurp-parts detach for when you're not drinking. Some folks here believe we got this, despite the fact that it's in perfect working order, because the package says "It's suck-sational!"

These things never get old, and maybe you’ve never seen (or heard) any this small. Our Mini Whoopie Cushions measure approx 3-1/4" dia, and 4-1/2" overall including the part you blow into to inflate them. Come in white, orange, black, green, blue and pink, and you’ll get (10) of them. That’s a lot of whoopie.