NOVELTIES

From THINKIQ, these fist sized colorful wooden puzzles will let you prove it; Or not. We'll pick one of the (6) available puzzles. Take a good look before you take yours apart, because there are no instructions—it's just you and your spatial IQ. No extra charge for the extra challenge—you’re welcome. About the size of a kids fist. 

Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

Emergency underpants in a can. Says it all, doesn't it? Quite stretchable in a Tyvekish white fabric, "one pair fits most adults." They're hip-hugger, semi-bikini, translucent type drawers, so despite the smiling man wearing them and a red bow-tie on the can, some (insecure) guys might find these just a touch jeune fille-ish. "Safe, Sanitary, Secure." Says so right on the 3" x 1-1/2" x 2/3" flip-top metal can. Better buy (3) in case of a long weekend.

is best done with the sacred mother of all novelty items, the original Whoopee Cushion. Marlon Brando owned one. Of course he did, they're both American classics, except the cushion was born in Toronto. Ours is the classic 8" version.

This whimsical pack of (30) postcards measures, unsurprisingly, post-card size 5-3/4" x 3-15/16", with non-duplicating images of gravy and bacon, Nikola Tesla, narwhals, spontaneous human combustion, boxing kangaroos, infinity and taxidermy, among many others of that ilk. Those ilks. Whatever--just buy 'em and stop asking so many questions. Blurbs on the back.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

Here's a little music box to crank. These are really cute, with a very nice sound, and they're in clear acrylic cases so you, or impressionable youngsters, can watch them work. They measure 2-1/4"x 2" x 1-1/4" with a 7/8" crank. We'll pick one that plays When You Wish upon a Star, Row, Row, Row your Boat, Brahms' Lullaby, or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. We won't pick the one that plays the score from Die Walküre because the wheel is just enormous.

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long prolate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.

A plastic pistol shaped toy that shoots slugs of raw potato. Push the barrel into a potato, break off the slug, aim and shoot up to fifteen feet. Loads of fun, environmentally harmless, and about as safe as any "projectile" toy can be!! Pulls apart for cleaning. For kids ages 5 and up.

It’s a proven stress reliever, banana knotting, and you can participate with our mega-squishy stress banana. Measures 6” long but will stretch to a couple feet. Filled with stress-relieving gel beads, and will take a good long time to return to its original banana shape, which just adds to your relief.

No maybes. Our each is a set of matching “YES” and “NO” buttons, a little over 3" in dia, like on quiz shows. When smacked, they recite one of (10) variations on the theme, as in “No, no, no, no” or “Yes, baby.” or “For the last time, NO.” Perfect for arbitrary decision-making at work and excellent for responding to requests from teens. You add a couple of “AAA” batteries and the buttons do the rest.

Interesting wire contraption that we played with as a child. A series of (4) tiers of overlapping and intertwined brass wire semicircular hoops are anchored at the open end to a pair of full circles. The whole can be shaped into a tube, double balls, a flower petal, etc, depending upon what areas are opened, which closed. A variety of colored beads on the hoops add a decorative touch. Fun, intriguing and decorative all at the same time.

Special for your beginner tootler. Our black or ivory ABS plastic soprano recorder (Our choice) measures 12-5/8" long and includes a plastic carrying case, cleaning rod, and a sheet of fingering instructions.

We're proud to offer this actual, genuine, brand-name, not-a-knock-off Velcro® brand hook-n-loop strapping. Did we mention that Velcro® is a band name, like Kleenex®? Our each is (2) 18” x 1” all-purpose Velcro® straps in black with red tips. Dandy for holding all sorts of bundles of stuff like hoses and cords, but it's like they were made to roll up your yoga mat while you go have coffee with the other people recovering from being downward dogs all morning.

We’re proud as can be to offer the world’s largest whoopee cushion--twice as big as the original for a nation whose bottom line has doubled since the original cushion was invented nearly 100 years ago. We call that progress. Your cushion, at approx a foot in diameter, will arrive folded in half. If your whoopie cushion has to be folded in half to be shipped, you know it’s big. And yes, the whoop is twice as loud, too.

This fidget toy is called Wacky Tracks, but could just as easily be called Chain of Fooling Around. You’ll get (48) interlocked plastic links that click into myriad shapes, maybe even myriad-and-a-half shapes, in a closed loop. Fun for fidgeting with, making letters, numbers, bracelets, cartoony things, critters and whatever else fits in a myriad. Good for hours of fidgeting every time you pick it up.

Very Mad Men-ish, these fuzzy stick-on mustaches, with models on the package so you can see exactly how you'd have looked in 1963. You get (7) 'staches, including the Hollywood, Hero, Bruiser and Weasel in black, the Square and Sheriff in brown, and the gray, handlebar Grampa. Great disguises. Great costumes.

A gallimaufry of gags, the prankster's pantheon. Our seven-day selection of sophomoric stupidity includes a joy buzzer, a fake ketchup spill that is perfect for a laptop or tablet, wrapped candy thats more bug than treat, a pack of gum with a mousetrap inside, a nice fake nail to put through a finger, a fly-in-the-ice cube, and the American classic whoopee cushion. Add some rubber vomit and you've got enough gifts to get through Channukah.