NOVELTIES

is best done with the sacred mother of all novelty items, the original Whoopee Cushion. Marlon Brando owned one. Of course he did, they're both American classics, except the cushion was born in Toronto. Ours is the classic 8" version.

Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

A plastic pistol shaped toy that shoots slugs of raw potato. Push the barrel into a potato, break off the slug, aim and shoot up to fifteen feet. Loads of fun, environmentally harmless, and about as safe as any "projectile" toy can be!! Pulls apart for cleaning. For kids ages 5 and up.

You must ache for this mustache kit! Go back and read that sentence again. Compare the spellings of the key words. Feel free to use that wordplay as your own—you’re welcome! You’re also welcome for this hairplay, our super snazzy Stick-On Mustache & Facial Hair Kit. Comes with (1) subtle handlebar ’stache, (2) bushy eyebrows, (2) sideburns and (1) soul patch, all adhesive-backed. Stock up on a few kits and you’ll never ache for them again.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long prolate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.

From the harmonica kings themselves at the Hohner company, comes this 4" long, 3-octave plus, plastic harmonica, in C, the people's key. We'll pick one in an attractive shade of red, green, blue, yellow or whatever color shows up next, and send it in a little vinyl case.

The Big Bang Bubble Blaster (we just said that 10 times!) looks like a giant hairdryer from the ’70s, right down to the orange and aqua color. But it’s way more fun. This fat gun shoots thousands of bubbles, which built-in multi-colored LED lights give a magical tint to as they sail into the ether. Includes (2) containers of bubble solution, tilting tray designed to reuse the solution, and a 3.7-Volt Li-Ion battery that recharges via the included USB cord. Help kids expand their universe with bubbles! Ages 5+

The Song of the Open Rails. Nothing sets a young person 's heart a-flutter like the mournful cry of a train whistle. A sound that promises adventure, mystery, freedom... Well, we cant offer you any of that, but this may be the next best thing. You've likely seen wooden train whistles like this before-roughly 6" long, with holes in the top you blow into to create a high pitched 'moving out' signal, but you've probably never seen them at such a good surplus price like this before. Allons!

No maybes. Our each is a set of matching “YES” and “NO” buttons, a little over 3" in dia, like on quiz shows. When smacked, they recite one of (10) variations on the theme, as in “No, no, no, no” or “Yes, baby.” or “For the last time, NO.” Perfect for arbitrary decision-making at work and excellent for responding to requests from teens. You add a couple of “AAA” batteries and the buttons do the rest.

Interesting wire contraption that we played with as a child. A series of (4) tiers of overlapping and intertwined brass wire semicircular hoops are anchored at the open end to a pair of full circles. The whole can be shaped into a tube, double balls, a flower petal, etc, depending upon what areas are opened, which closed. A variety of colored beads on the hoops add a decorative touch. Fun, intriguing and decorative all at the same time.

No mother will approve this item, so keep quiet until it arrives. Our 2-1/4" long inflatable tongue has a pacifier-type end that you hold between your teeth. Blow into it and the rather standard-size pink rubber tongue inflates to three times normal size. Guaranteed grossness. Also a cinch for classroom confiscation, so we’d buy several.

Special for your beginner tootler. Our black or ivory ABS plastic soprano recorder (Our choice) measures 12-5/8" long and includes a plastic carrying case, cleaning rod, and a sheet of fingering instructions.

The original Joy Buzzer was called the Joke Buzzer (1932 U.S. patent #1845735, Soren Adams) and it replaced the more dangerous Zapper, which is lost to time, more's the pity. Our standard wind-up model is a 1-3/8" dia circle of perennial vibrating fun, with a 7/8" dia finger loop. (Watch for the solar-powered joy buzzer, still under development.)

Plunk your magic twanger and call yourself froggy. This 3-5/8" long steel jaw harp, or mouth harp, is technically a plucked idiophone, but don't say that in Nashville. Includes playing instructions. Pay no attention to that vibration in your head.

Half of the best stuff in the world comes in a can; the other half comes on a stick. (It’s true, don’t argue with us.) Now you get to pick from two kinds of canned fun, both in 5-5/8” x 4” x 2-1/4” deep cans with hinged tops. You pick. The Pranks in a Tin has straw finger traps, a whoopee cushion, nose & mustache glasses, a joy buzzer, the nail-through-finger trick with a bloody bandage, and a squirting ring. Go make a pre-adolescent happy. The Classic Games tin holds a standard deck of playing cards, rubber ball and (10) metal jacks, tiddlywinks with a small felt pad, (30) pick-up sticks, and (5) shooters plus (30) smaller glass marbles, and not an electronic game in the bunch.

Literally. These clear, plastic-tubing faux-specs start in your soda, wrap around your ears and eyes, sit on your nose and end up in your mouth. You slurp and your drink zips around your face and into your yap. The last word in sophisticated beverage consumption. Made of 1/8" and 1/4" tubing, the slurp-parts detach for when you're not drinking. Some folks here believe we got this, despite the fact that it's in perfect working order, because the package says "It's suck-sational!"

Our seriously oversized #2 pencil is perfect for someone taking really important notes, or anyone who's tired of misplacing pencils. Also good for that big test. Measures 14" long x a 1-1/8" octagon, with a working eraser. Really thick graphite runs about 2" into the pencil, which will be plenty since we couldn't find a pencil sharpener to fit it anyway.