is best done with the sacred mother of all novelty items, the original Whoopee Cushion. Marlon Brando owned one. Of course he did, they're both American classics, except the cushion was born in Toronto. Ours is the classic 8" version.

Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

A plastic pistol shaped toy that shoots slugs of raw potato. Push the barrel into a potato, break off the slug, aim and shoot up to fifteen feet. Loads of fun, environmentally harmless, and about as safe as any "projectile" toy can be!! Pulls apart for cleaning. For kids ages 5 and up.

You must ache for this mustache kit! Go back and read that sentence again. Compare the spellings of the key words. Feel free to use that wordplay as your own—you’re welcome! You’re also welcome for this hairplay, our super snazzy Stick-On Mustache & Facial Hair Kit. Comes with (1) subtle handlebar ’stache, (2) bushy eyebrows, (2) sideburns and (1) soul patch, all adhesive-backed. Stock up on a few kits and you’ll never ache for them again.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long prolate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.

From the harmonica kings themselves at the Hohner company, comes this 4" long, 3-octave plus, plastic harmonica, in C, the people's key. We'll pick one in an attractive shade of red, green, blue, yellow or whatever color shows up next, and send it in a little vinyl case.

The Big Bang Bubble Blaster (we just said that 10 times!) looks like a giant hairdryer from the ’70s, right down to the orange and aqua color. But it’s way more fun. This fat gun shoots thousands of bubbles, which built-in multi-colored LED lights give a magical tint to as they sail into the ether. Includes (2) containers of bubble solution, tilting tray designed to reuse the solution, and a 3.7-Volt Li-Ion battery that recharges via the included USB cord. Help kids expand their universe with bubbles! Ages 5+

No maybes. Our each is a set of matching “YES” and “NO” buttons, a little over 3" in dia, like on quiz shows. When smacked, they recite one of (10) variations on the theme, as in “No, no, no, no” or “Yes, baby.” or “For the last time, NO.” Perfect for arbitrary decision-making at work and excellent for responding to requests from teens. You add a couple of “AAA” batteries and the buttons do the rest.

The Song of the Open Rails. Nothing sets a young person 's heart a-flutter like the mournful cry of a train whistle. A sound that promises adventure, mystery, freedom... Well, we cant offer you any of that, but this may be the next best thing. You've likely seen wooden train whistles like this before-roughly 6" long, with holes in the top you blow into to create a high pitched 'moving out' signal, but you've probably never seen them at such a good surplus price like this before. Allons!