This wall-mount oval (OK, elliptical) clock, thermometer and hygrometer is from Timex® so it should take a lickin’ and keep on telling you why you’re sweating so much. Measures 11” x 8-1/4” in a classy-looking silver plastic frame, with analog dials for Fahrenheit in 2-degree increments, time in minute increments with hour/minute/second hands, and humidity from 10-100% in 2% increments. Mounts via a 3/16” keyed slot on the back. You add (1) “AA” battery.

The rubber bumps on the end of this rolling massager are in rows that rotate independently to rub you the right way. The (6) rubber bumps are in (7) 1-1/4” dia rows on a three-draw telescoping handle that extends from 13” to 23” long, so you can reach the soles of your feet or massage your cat. (Some cats like it, some don’t, so a little distance might be good.) Juanita uses hers for physical therapy.

What scratches your back but won't provide breakfast for you? It's our glow in the dark back scratcher of course. Has chicken like talon "hands" and extends to over 26” long, but shrinks to a pocket-sized 8-1/4”. Super duper handy to have around when your significant other says they just cut their finger nails.

It's either a telescoping aluminum backscratcher, a fork for people whose elbows don't bend, or a sand rake for miniature Zen gardens. You pick. The 5-draw shaft extends from 6-5/8" to 20-3/8" long, the 5-tine rake is 1-3/16" wide, and it has a pocket clip.

We feel sorry for those flesh-colored bandages that are just trying to hide. Stand up and be healed with bandages that make a statement! Say Oink with this box of (15) sterile photo reproductions of a raw bacon slice, plus a bonus plastic pig in every box. Mustache bandages work even if you cut something other than your lip; just tell people it's a mustache transplant. You get (15) in (4) hairy styles, plus a secret gift.

Keep the plants happy, the corks tight, and the tobacco moist. Our tiny hygrometer/thermometer combo is made for greenhouses, wine cellars/fridges, and humidors, but works equally well for your bedroom, because you don't want to dry out either. Measures 2-1/16" x 1-9/16" x 9/16" thick with a 1-5/8" x 11/16" digital LCD read-out. Shows temps from 14-140°F (+/- 2), humidity from 10-99% (+/- 6%), with min/max readings and a clear button. Stands on an easel or mounts with tape or a tiny magnet, all included, along with a button-cell battery.

It’s an AS&S debut--socks with fun built right in. We’d say they’re wacky, but we hate saying wacky. These are all cotton/poly/nylon/spandex blends, which is a lot of blending right there, medium men’s, but really, they’d pretty much fit most feet, and they’re gender-indifferent. You pick the blue/red/yellow with a rubber chicken on the side; the two-tone green with pickles rampant; the four-tone with Bigfoot; the black and blue with Tesla coils; or the green/black with a Plague Doctor.

Not a mystery, but an actual way to scratch your skull. Looks like a $29.95 neo-whisk from Grate & Borrow, but it’s really our all-time favorite stainless steel scalp massager. (Also a mid-century modern metal sculpture if you stand it up on the coffee table, where it’s handy for cranio-itchy moments anyway.) Rocket-shaped handle leads to a dozen spring tines with little bubble ends for your scratching and massaging pleasure. Measures 9-1/2” long overall.

Our each is (84) inches of stretchy, 6” wide cotton (we think) white gauze. How stretchy is it? Ours pulled out to about (11) feet, which covers a lot of owies.

This 5-vial set of amber bottles comes in a clear vinyl 5” x 7” pouch with (5) internal bottle sleeves, a 6th sleeve for the eye-dropper, and slider closure. Vials hold 8ml and measure 2-1/2” tall x 1/2” dia with black plastic screw caps. The dropper is 4” long with a black rubber bulb. All you add is the essential oils, although if you used inessential oils, who would know?