What scratches your back but won't provide breakfast for you? It's our glow in the dark back scratcher of course. Has chicken like talon "hands" and extends to over 26” long, but shrinks to a pocket-sized 8-1/4”. Super duper handy to have around when your significant other says they just cut their finger nails.

We feel sorry for those flesh-colored bandages that are just trying to hide. Stand up and be healed with bandages that make a statement! Say Oink with this box of (15) sterile photo reproductions of a raw bacon slice, plus a bonus plastic pig in every tin. Or stick one of (15) 3” x 1” latex-free bandages with a creepy picture of a leech on your arm and tell people “This is not a leech” in an honor of Rene Magritte's “This is not a pipe” painting. Give them a little lesson in the treachery of images. Also comes in a tin with a free prize.

Beauty school dropouts? You could call them that. We call them surplus with a new purpose, which probably involves Halloween, starting your own cosmetics how-to Youtube channel or guaranteeing yourself a seat on the bus. From what we've seen so far, some have eyes and some don't, and we can't decide which is more disturbing, but all have long dark-brown or black hair. Did we mention these are surplus? You get what you get without getting upset.

But it will still keep the flying critters out of your kitchen. This hanging screen is made of a plastic fabric mesh and will fit doorways up to 36” x 80”, but works best in slightly narrower ones to allow some side overlap. Works great on campers, RVs, trailers and the like where you really need to let air flow or buy four and build a giant insect cage that can cover a small tree. Installs with adhesive hook-and-loop tabs and has a weighted bottom, so it won’t flap in the wind. Portable, handy and ready for summer. Just like you.

This one does. Nap away the flight, car ride or afternoon with this U-shaped memory-foam neck pillow cosseting your head. The soft white knit cover has a skinny zipper so you can remove and launder it. Cover is 85% polyester and 15% rayon, made from bamboo and no, we don't know how either. We do know that bamboo is the new soybeans, though. Inside is gooshy foam that remembers. Go take a nap.

It’s an AS&S debut--socks with fun built right in. We’d say they’re wacky, but we hate saying wacky. These are all cotton/poly/nylon/spandex blends, which is a lot of blending right there, medium mens' at 18" long, but really, they’d pretty much fit most feet, and they’re gender-indifferent. You pick the blue/red/yellow with a rubber chicken on the side; the two-tone green with pickles rampant; the four-tone with Bigfoot; the black and blue with Tesla coils; or the green/black with a Plague Doctor.

From the wacky Portland, Oregon-based designers at Sock It To Me come these cotton-poly socks with themes so fun you might wear them every day, or even eight days a week since we’ve got (8) different ones. In vivid colors, themes include martini glasses, koalas, lawn art, killer whales, the medical profession, baby seals and dogs in costumes. All are knee-high except for the crew-length martini glasses and cymbal monkey, which say “Men’s” but we hereby deem unisex.

Our each is (84) inches of stretchy, 6” wide cotton (we think) white gauze. How stretchy is it? Ours pulled out to about (11) feet, which covers a lot of owies.

Give the poor beast an ice pack, just like in the movies, but in a zippy zebra print. We miss ice packs, frankly, and so should you. These are the classic design. You pick: the large one at approx 9” dia when flattened empty; or the double-trouble set with (1) large at 10” dia and (1) small at 6” dia. All have 1-7/8” ID mouths with gasketed screw caps, so they should also work with hot water.

OK, ok--we don’t mean it. Some of our best friends have little heads. These are mini-pillows for naps at your desk, or on airplanes, or wherever. They’re very soft and gooshy, with plush covers and zippers so you can remove the polyester bag of bead stuffing and wash the outside if you drool on it. (Don’t wash the stuffing or the gooshiness will be gone.) Measure just 9" long x 4" dia and we’ll pick a pair from our selection of pink, purple, baby blue or lime green.