Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

Stick a coin on top of the fishy plate on this plastic coin bank and it triggers a Hiya Kitty inside to mew some cat noises, then peeks out and reaches out a paw to snatch the coin. The box, which is mysteriously made to look like an fruit crate, measures 4-3/4" x 4" x 3-1/2". You’ll need to add a couple of “AA” batteries but that’s the standard price of kitten cuteness today. CLICK HERE for video.

Time was, you wanted answers to questions, you had to have a magic 8-ball, but really, what would an 8-ball know? What you need is the All-Seeing Eye, because eyes see stuff. Eyes know stuff. This big eye is 3-7/8" dia with a window on the bottom that reveals the answers to your questions--like the 8-ball, except the eye is pretty much always right. This eye, BTW, is blue, like Sinatra’s. (Best get two, because eyes come in pairs.)

is best done with the sacred mother of all novelty items, the original Whoopee Cushion. Marlon Brando owned one. Of course he did, they're both American classics, except the cushion was born in Toronto. Ours is the classic 8" version.

Here's a little music box to crank. These are really cute, with a very nice sound, and they're in clear acrylic cases so you, or impressionable youngsters, can watch them work. They measure 2-1/4"x 2" x 1-1/4" with a 7/8" crank. We'll pick one that plays When You Wish upon a Star, Row, Row, Row your Boat, Brahms' Lullaby, or Twinkle, Twinkle, Little Star. We won't pick the one that plays the score from Die Walküre because the wheel is just enormous.

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long oblate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

It’s a proven stress reliever, banana knotting, and you can participate with our mega-squishy stress banana. Measures 6” long but will stretch to a couple feet. Filled with stress-relieving gel beads, and will take a good long time to return to its original banana shape, which just adds to your relief.

Emergency underpants in a can. Says it all, doesn't it? Quite stretchable in a Tyvekish white fabric, "one pair fits most adults." They're hip-hugger, semi-bikini, translucent type drawers, so despite the smiling man wearing them and a red bow-tie on the can, some (insecure) guys might find these just a touch jeune fille-ish. "Safe, Sanitary, Secure." Says so right on the 3" x 1-1/2" x 2/3" flip-top metal can. Better buy (3) in case of a long weekend.

What's yellow, 7-1/2" long and lowers your blood pressure? The Stress Banana. Filled with some sort of gooshy fluid that we can only imagine, it's squeezably soft and returns to its original banananess right in your hand, which CJ says is "strangely cathartic," and who among us can't use a little catharsis from time to time?