Your long nasal nightmare is over because we now carry a battery-operated nose-hair trimmer. (Also good for another nightmare--ear hair.) The steel blade is recessed so there’s no danger of becoming a latter-day Vincent Van Gogh or Tycho Brahe (just look him up). Easy to clean under the tap, and comes with a blade cover and brush. Runs on (1) “AA” battery (included), and measures just 4-3/4” long.

It's either a telescoping aluminum backscratcher, a fork for people whose elbows don't bend, or a sand rake for miniature Zen gardens. You pick. The 5-draw shaft extends from 6-5/8" to 20-3/8" long, the 5-tine rake is 1-3/16" wide, and it has a pocket clip.

We feel sorry for those flesh-colored bandages that are just trying to hide. Stand up and be healed with bandages that make a statement! Say Oink with this box of (15) sterile photo reproductions of a raw bacon slice, plus a bonus plastic pig in every box. Mustache bandages work even if you cut something other than your lip; just tell people it's a mustache transplant. You get (15) in (4) hairy styles, plus a secret gift.

It’s an AS&S debut--socks with fun built right in. We’d say they’re wacky, but we hate saying wacky. These are all cotton/poly/nylon/spandex blends, which is a lot of blending right there, medium men’s, but really, they’d pretty much fit most feet, and they’re gender-indifferent. You pick the blue/red/yellow with a rubber chicken on the side; the two-tone green with pickles rampant; the four-tone with Bigfoot; the black and blue with Tesla coils; or the green/black with a Plague Doctor.

This 5-vial set of amber bottles comes in a clear vinyl 5” x 7” pouch with (5) internal bottle sleeves, a 6th sleeve for the eye-dropper, and slider closure. Vials hold 8ml and measure 2-1/2” tall x 1/2” dia with black plastic screw caps. The dropper is 4” long with a black rubber bulb. All you add is the essential oils, although if you used inessential oils, who would know?

These 14” long socks are a cotton blend, and one-size-fits-all-except-if-you’ve-got-feet-like-Shaq. We’ll pick a pair for you that look like spotted Dalmatian puppies, kittens in a gray tabby pattern, or lovely dopey-looking penguins. You’ll get (2) different sets o’ socks, we promise. Shy persons will appreciate that only the body patterns will appear until you pull up your pants to reveal the critters’ little faces. Exhibitionists can just wear shorts.

Not a mystery, but an actual way to scratch your skull. Looks like a $29.95 neo-whisk from Grate & Borrow, but it’s really our all-time favorite stainless steel scalp massager. (Also a mid-century modern metal sculpture if you stand it up on the coffee table, where it’s handy for cranio-itchy moments anyway.) Rocket-shaped handle leads to a dozen spring tines with little bubble ends for your scratching and massaging pleasure. Measures 9-1/2” long overall.

Our each is (84) inches of stretchy, 6” wide cotton (we think) white gauze. How stretchy is it? Ours pulled out to about (11) feet, which covers a lot of owies.

Just your basic wrist straps with basic clips on the ends. You choose either 1/4" wide x 9" long in  black or 1/8" Dia. x 5" long in assorted colors. Perfect for I.D. badges, locker keys, or even hamster leashes.

Anodized aluminum channel, 2-5/8" long and just wide enough to hold a 5/8" wide card or tile which is up to about 1/16" thick. It has a spring clip in the channel to secure the card and a pair of "tie tacs" on the back to hold it on your bosom. Flaunt your name, "I Love Minot", "Addicted to Surplus" or whatever message you feel is appropriate in this age of self disclosure. We'll pick at least (2) different colors for you from among black, gold, red, purple, blue and silver.