Or the Swanee whistle. Whatever you call it, this little slide whistle (just consider it the smallest trombone in the universe) has an outsized musical history. No elevator has ever fallen in a cartoon without its accompaniment, and no jug band is complete without one, but Louis Armstrong also played one on his Hot Five recordings, and Ravel even required one in an opera score. In assorted plastic colors with a steel slide, 6-7/8" long x 1/2" dia.

Stick a coin on top of the fishy plate on this plastic coin bank and it triggers a Hiya Kitty inside to mew some cat noises, then peeks out and reaches out a paw to snatch the coin. The box, which is mysteriously made to look like an fruit crate, measures 4-3/4" x 4" x 3-1/2". You’ll need to add a couple of “AA” batteries but that’s the standard price of kitten cuteness today. CLICK HERE for video.

Managing people will be so much easier with this pocket sized red NO! button on your keychain. Push it and hear a digital voice deliver (10) different versions of no, including No!; No, No, No; Noooooo; For the last time, NO!; and more. Great for denying tasks at work, and later-bedtime requests at home. (Remember--you can always change your mind to Yes, but going the other way never works.) Measures 1-3/4"" dia. x 1" tall in red with a black frame. Batteries included!

Because it’s a squeezebox, a toy(ish) accordion with (7) bisonoric melody keys and (2) chordal keys, plus (1) to release the bellows. Measures 7-1/4” x 7” x 4-1/4” with thumb and hand straps, plus a strap to keep it shut between performances. Perfect for budding, one-kid bands or, in bulk, for starting an accordion orchestra to compete with all of those annoying ukulele players.

It could have been called an Alabama Buzzer after Alabama Vest, the man who invented it. Or a Clegghorn, after Thaddeus Von Clegg, the clock master who fabricated the first one. But the hand-crafted 4-3/4" long steel instrument was a simple amusement, and the 1840s were a simple time. So it's simply a kazoo.

Very Mad Men-ish, these fuzzy stick-on mustaches, with models on the package so you can see exactly how you'd have looked in 1963. You get (7) 'staches, including the Hollywood, Hero, Bruiser and Weasel in black, the Square and Sheriff in brown, and the gray, handlebar Grampa. Great disguises. Great costumes.

Time was, you wanted answers to questions, you had to have a magic 8-ball, but really, what would an 8-ball know? What you need is the All-Seeing Eye, because eyes see stuff. Eyes know stuff. This big eye is 3-7/8" dia with a window on the bottom that reveals the answers to your questions--like the 8-ball, except the eye is pretty much always right. This eye, BTW, is blue, like Sinatra’s. (Best get two, because eyes come in pairs.)

Emergency underpants in a can. Says it all, doesn't it? Quite stretchable in a Tyvekish white fabric, "one pair fits most adults." They're hip-hugger, semi-bikini, translucent type drawers, so despite the smiling man wearing them and a red bow-tie on the can, some (insecure) guys might find these just a touch jeune fille-ish. "Safe, Sanitary, Secure." Says so right on the 3" x 1-1/2" x 2/3" flip-top metal can. Better buy (3) in case of a long weekend.

Drop some coins into this dog's dish and watch him get all wiggly wacky with barely controlled excitement while he gobbles your change and stores it in the base of the bank. You add a pair of "AA" batteries because animatronic dogs don't eat Alpo®. Pup is 3-1/2" tall on a 5-7/8" x 3-1/8" x 2-1/2" base. We'll pick a pup from our litter of assorted mongrels. See it in action. Click

Or singing suppositories. The pair is very magnetic, whatever they are. The 1-3/4" long oblate spheroids look like highly polished black hematites. Hold them an inch apart in your palm, toss 'em into the air and listen to them make a sound like the cyber-crickets. Or an electrocuted chicken. The manufacturer suggests keeping these mega-magnets away from computers, pacemakers, TV sets and credit cards.